Cakap siang pandang-pandang.

well, i hardly talk about my journey on getting pregnant in my blog till i was finally conceived.
actually, i'm still scared to talk about it. i felt bad when some of my readers so happen still trying to get conceive will felt sad when i was blablabla talking about my pregnancy.
but still, i need to treasure my moment as mother to be too. so whoever may felt offended with my words/experiences, deeply sorry on that.

Conceived when your marriage is at 1yr and 7mnths old is nothing to bragged about when you are living in this community. instead of people tumpang gembira, there is still harsh word and unnecessary comments berkumandang macam langau. time before conceived tu dulu lagi la. ayat masing-masing sungguh la puaka kan. tapi i ni pun meknusia biasa. orang cakap, kita hadam. kita simpan. pastu kita nangis malam-malam. lepas tu kita saiko kat laki kita. pastu laki kita pun stress. lepas tu kita sama-sama stress.

ko ingat nak dapat anak ni senang?
macam ko pergi pasar "kak, bagi anak satu. nak yang putih2, cerdik pandai, mata bulat, kalau boleh macam aaron aziz".
ko ingat as easy as that?
kalau senang macam tu, dah berderet seploh dah anak i okay. senang je men beli kat pasar kan.
anak ni pun rezeki. same goes as your jodoh. macam kawan ko tak kawen-kawen lagi tu, dah belum rezeki dia. tak yah la nak sound-sound dia. unless dia memang dah duit berkepuk, and berkepit siang malam, menambah dosa, ko nak sound tu no hal la. ni kalau orang tu tak jumpa lagi the one, nak buat macam mana. takat 'kenen-kenen' kan tu no hal la. tapi toksah lelebih.

kadang-kadang bile bercakap, meknusia ni tak pikir panjang.
ye, mungkin bahagian ko mudah. first night je ko dah conceive. rezeki ko kan.
tapi tak perlu la ko sibuk bagi nasihat kat orang lain.
its happen to me once, ade la mamat kat kilang i ni. nak kata tak bijak, engineer jugak. kire belajar dh tinggi. he was married few months after mine and his wife was conceived right after that.
bleh nak bagi comment mcm nak kena bakar hidup-hidup depan i when i was congartulated him when his baby was born. "well, aku rasa laki ko bukan sharp shooter".
my heart was broken into pieces at that time. giler rasa menggigil kaki. oh, sedapnya mulut ko. ko cakap tak pakai otak agaknya, pakai lutut. ko ingat sperm tu leh jumpa egg kalau ko shoot baik punya mcm ko main dart? i was cursing deep down so badly. ahhahaha.. i pun keji. but whoever in my shoe pun akan feel the pain. ko nak condemn laki i?

well, lets say orang tu planning not to conceive awal-awal pun right after kawen.
salah ke? ko ke yg nak bg makan anak dia? ko ke nak belikan pampers and susu utk anak dia?
ewah sedap-sedap sound tak baik planning. who said so tak baik? everyone nak the best utk anak-anak dia. biarlah dia nak simpan duit dulu so that anak dia merasa naik stroller Stoke Xplory yg 5k tu. biarla dia simpan duit so dia bleh hire 2 maids sekaligus jaga anak dia. salah ke dia nak buat yg terbaik utk family dia? time tu ko cakap tak baik la planning, dah tu time orang lain terus dapat anak no.2 dan seterusnya pandai plak ko cakap, 'eh, dia ni tak reti nak planning ke. sian anak kecik lagi dah dapat adik'. tu ape name? bukan planning gak ke ko tu pun? Yang memandai cakap tak baik planing, nanti by the time nak, Allah tak nak bagi rezeki. sape cakap? ade ke dalam Quran bnde tu? Allah pun tak nak kita menganiaya anak kita. kalau kita dah rasa tak mampu dari segi ekonomi or tak de masa masa utk bersama anak. So, planning might be the best option for us that time.

kalau nak di listkan harsh words yang i terime saban hari before this, memang tak terlist la. kadang-kadang, i ignore, kadang-kadang, makan dalam jugak.

yesterday, i finally buat buku merah at klinik kesihatan. i was sitting next to this akak. she was approaching 40yrs old and it was her first baby. she didnt tell me in details but i can agak-agak she was conceive through IVF/IUI because she did mention about the inject sana sini nak dapat anak. there is another akak around mid 30's sitting next to her after that. tanya akak yg sebelah i ni check up apa. akak sebelah i ni pun bagitau la, she had some complications, darah tinggi and kencing manis yg tetibe wujud when she was pregnant. ko tau ape akak yg satu lagi tu reply? "len kali, ngandung muda-muda. dah tua-tua ni macam la sakit yg ada nanti". i was stunned with her words.
1st, u dont know her history.
2nd, itu rezeki ok. rezeki. dah Allah nak bagi dia time umor 40tahun baru nak dapat anak.
bak kata another fren of mine, "bukan dia mintak doa kat allah, "ya allah,bagi la aku anak time aku umur 40tahun nanti ye". ko ingat ade ke orang yg nak cenggitu?
well, the akak in her mid 30's tu expecting her baby no.4.

kadang-kadang orang tak paham. kurang peka dan kurang sensitip. isu jodoh and anak ni super sensitip.
this is not a race nor a competition.
ini bahagian masing-masing. alhamdulillah, i had mine on its way. but im still praying for those friends of mine yg still struggling to conceive.
as meknusia, i paham sikap curiosity korang yang menggunung tinggi tu. in another word, kepochi aka concern. kalau org dh kwen sure korang excited nak tau dah berbadan dua ke tak. itu normal.
tapi lets say the other side belum lagi peknen, just cakap je la " i doakan u dpt anak yg sihat nanti", "takpe, allah nak bagi masa u enjoy dulu. insyallah adalah tu nanti". benda2 ni pun dah dapat menyedapkan hati org tu. at least u pray for them kan.

and those yg ada in my fb, thank u bg comment2 membina. i tak leh nak reply satu2 sebab i as well masih fragile with this sensitive issue.

p/s : baby check list belum buat lagi. can we skip that 1st? i need a 'babymoon' so badly now.