what if??

Back at the office. kangen bangat sama kerusi empuk warna hitam ini.
juga keyboard HP yg telah menjadi bf kepada jari jemariku yg tembam mcm kaki ayam ni.
ohhh...rindunye bau office. eh bukan bau2 org2 kat ofis ni.
bau coffee pepagi hari. dah tu semua org kat ofis ni bukan coffee pepagi.

Malam tadi telah selamat tiba di Kulim setelah dijemput oleh sang suami di airport.
winduw kat sang suami tak terkata. 3 hari ok. 3 hari. uhhhh.... puas kiss pipi sang suami byk2 mcm kiss teddy bear.
lantak la orang kat kereta2 sebelah nak kata apa.
laki i hokayy..laki i.. halal pulak tu. ada aku kisah?


almost a month jadi sang isteri. wahh...rasa giler mulia je kedengaran ayat ISTERI tu.
ok, so much things to explore still.
walaupun kiteorg dah bercintan-cintun 1 yr plus before the wedding, but trust me, lelaki yg korang pandang sebagai boyfren ke...tunang ke...adalah lelaki yg lain bila korang pandang as suami.

oh suami...
ha..dah kahwin baru la tau macam mana perangai suami sebenar. tak semestinye negative kesemuanya. of course banyak jugak positive thing kan?
but boys will be boys. macam mana korang tengok abang or adik lelaki korang. plus minus je la tu dengan suami korang nanti.
sejuk jugak hati bila balik rumah, barang still in place. sang suami dah siap basuh and simpan baju-baju yang dipakai time honeymoon haritu.
air dalam hot dispenser dah berisi.
and above all, just dont expect sang suami boleh jadi multi talented and leh buat semua bnde mcm u all buat.
example;
1. simpan baju.
- dont expect sang suami leh simpan baju as neat as you all or gantung according to panjang pendek baju tersebut.
-bagi dieorg selagi baju itu berjaya disimpan dan bergantung tanpa membuatkan sang isteri membebel telah merupakan satu kejayaan yang amat besar sehingga patut diberi anugerah suami contoh.

2. basuh pinggan
- dont expect sang suami dapat membasuh pinggan dan susun dengan teratur macam korang buat. as long as pinggan dapat berbasuh dengan bersih dan cara menyimpan pinggan tu tak pernah dieorg kisah.
tunggang terbalik pun orite je. and sink tu kalau dah basuh pinggan tu mmg kompom la sabun2 yg tinggal tu takkan di bilas. so kena juga la sang isteri membuat final round untuk bilas.

so sang isteri, jangan jadi cerewet bila memintak sang suami tolong (saya la tu...)
alhamdulillah sang suami byk tolong kerja rumah so far. bab masak memasak..or jemur2 kain. boleh la di harap walaupun result tak seperti jangkaan. but still, the effort is there and sangat menghargainya..
tskk.tskkkk..tskk... (air mata terharu)

emosi saya masih kurang stabil. pemergian arwah iszam amat memberi huge impact dalam hidup saya.
i'm looking life in different perspective now.
saya lebih banyak berfikir sekarang. banyak tenggelam dengan fikiran sendiri.
all the 'what if' question pop up in my mind.

what if there is no more tomorrow for me?
what if saya dijemput tuhan terlebih dahulu?

what will happen to my hubby?
is he going to wake up by himself to the office?
did he still took hot bath in the morning? who is going to masakkan air for him?
did he still minum coffee before heading to office? who is going to iron his cloth?
who going to tidy up the house?
who going to hug him like teddy bear through out the night?
who going to kiss him all over his face?
did he knew how much i love him all this while?



what about mama?
remember saya pergi membeli sepatu utk interview?
mama went along with me.
after pilih kasut tak seberapa untuk interview, i asked mama untuk pilih any shuz for her.
and mama was like "eh..dapat bonus lagi ke?"
ok, this is not the 1st time pun i bought something for her since working.
but maybe she was a bit surpirsed sebab u just bought her a nine west handbag as my appreciation gift for helping me out with the wedding prep.
and i was like dalam hati, perlu dapat bonus ke baru nak belanja mama?
i am 24 years old now. someone wifey. and this is the only time saya perlu balas balik jasa mama.
kalau nak balas dengan wang ringgit memang takkan terbayar saya rasa.
what if tuhan ambil nyawa saya esok atau lusa?
what if saya pergi ketika masih muda macam arwah iszam?
adakah saya masih ada masa lain lagi nak belikan kasut untuk mama?
nak belikan mama baju?
nak belikan mama handbag lagi?


and all my friend, do you guys will miss me macam mana i miss arwah iszam?
would i will still remembered in a good way mcm arwah iszam and not in the hurmm..bad way?
like, miss how sweet my voice is (ahahahha...annoying kan?)
or how my presecence di rindui?

as time passed by, hubungan dengan kawan2 agak renggang.
masing2 sibuk dengan hidup.
phone call is less then masa belajar, so do sms. ah...
how i miss all of you....