Al fatihah...al fatihah...al fatihah....

Al fatihah buat teman yang teristimewa dalam hidup saya Mohd Iszam bin Harun yg telah kembali kerahmatullah pada pagi 3 Mac 2010.
Dan kepada semua teman2 yang telah bersusah payah untuk menghubungi saya, saya dahului dengan jutaan terima kasih.
i'm deeply down. dan nangis sampai bengkak2 bijik mata.
maybe i'm one of those person yg lambat tahu. dont blame my friends but blame myself.
i turn off the handphone the moment i reached at Bali. since its a honeymoon so i realllllllly want to spend every single second enjoying myself with my hubby.
and tengahri tadi, right after cam whoring at the Monumen peringatan bali, tetiba hati terdetik untuk turn on handphone.
13 messages diterima kesemuanya. termasuk missed call notification dari my best friend Azwa. kenapa plak eh? saya mula bingung. takkan lah azue tak tahu saya ke Bali, tapi kenapa masih call?
message seterusnya dari my best friend which also iszam ex-schoolmate ketika i sekolah menengah,Bazla. Her text was something like this "mie, ijam meninggal sebab ape?"
astagfirullah...ijam? did he referring to my sweet little potato ijam?  or did she wrongly reffering to the other ijam? but as far as i knew, the only ijam that i knew off and she knew off is Mohd Iszam.
jantung tetibe rasa berhenti berdegup.
kosong...pandangan saya terus jadi kosong...
rasa nak pitam...
air mata bertakung. tapi saya kuatkan semangat.
saya dial no azwa. dalam hati,regardless off how much i need to pay, but i need to know thisss urgently!
failed! tak dapat hubungi azwa.
telefon pula pada Ilmi.
inalillah...benarlah ijam yg dimaksudkan adalah my ijam. ijam yang mcm my own little brother.
make several phone calls kepada kawan2 yg lain.
but the moment berjaya bercakap dengan dayah, air mata terus meluncur laju. nasib ketika itu sang suami tak melihat. dengar esakan dayah cukup menyiat-nyiat hati dan perasaan ini.
how i wish i could fly back home...
how i wish i could menatap wajah ijam buat kali terakhir...
how i wish i couuld give him my very last respect...
how i wish i could tell him that i miss to hang out with him...

inilah dinamakan takdir.
tapi deep down,saya amat bersyukur pada allah kerana telah memberikan saya peluang mengenali iszam.
he is the first guy dalam my course yang saya berkenalan.
and since then we are just clinched to each other.
trust me, kami sangat2 rapat.
maybe sebab kami berdua anak bongsu. arwah merupakan anak bongsu dari 3 beradik yg kesemuanya lelaki.
and saya pula lebih selesa nak bercerita dan berkawan dengan arwah because of his personality/

he is my shoulder through out my universiti time.
my back bone i could said.

i still remember when i got fever one day, he text me and asked me whether i already had my lunch.
and i replied to him "belum lagi. tak larat nak pergi makan"
and he text me the next 15mins asked me to go to the end of my hostel block to collect the nasi air (bubur nasi).
no..dont get me wrong. he is not my boyfriend, and he is not my lover.
at that time, i already had boyfriend and he is admiring another girl from different faculty.
we are just damn close. we had lunch & dinner together with ilmi & mozac every single day ketika di uni.
i choose his shirt for our dinner course.
he is damn supportive when i'm juggling between my MPP and study life.
he is my lab partner for the whole univ period.
ya!! beliau akan buat experiment while i'm doing the lab report.
time dia wat experiment tu la saya bercerite tak henti.

he was the one who helped me to check on my scooter (beside Zaman).
and without him, i could never imagine i could even complete my final year project.
when my project had been selected to be presented internally before ke Pertandingan Inovasi Peringkat kebangsaan, i was fucking nervous. and i screwed up with my report result.
and i rang him up and 2am in the morning.
guess what? at 7/00am sharp, dengan tak mandi lagi arwah time tu, he came over to the cafe hostel dengan berbekalkan motosikal Kriss beliau, untuk tolong saya menyiapkannya.
before that? oh...40% of the project hasil bantuan beliau.

he just everything to me. we plan to sama2 bekerja di Kulim. sebab saya cakap "nanti aku sorang2 kat sana, sian aku takde kawan".
yep!! we did apply same job di Kulim. we even go for the same interview at the same day.
a little unfortunate for him because he didnt manage to get the job but i did.
yes, i'm stranded in Kulim all alone by myself (sebelum berjumpa geng2 kilang yg lain)

since working, we hardly contact each other, before he got his dream job working at the Aeronautical company, he did get offer at the other company in Kulim. he did came to Kulim sekali lagi and tumpang tidur dirumah my hubby (that time just a boyfriend).
he was the first friend ever met up with hafiz at that time.
and what is his comment towards my hubby kepada kawan2 lain? "he is different. aku rasa sesuai kot dengan amy, sangat kontra" ->referring to my hubby.

iszam in person sangat baik orangnye.
arwah merupakan seorang yg tidak bercakap kasar. jarang sekali dengan arwah menumpah melainkan bergurau.
we had same favorite which is suka gile makan seafood.
and before arwah dapat driving license (arwah just manage to get his driving lisence ketika bekerja), he is my bodyguard setiap kali keluar outing ke pekan terengganu.

arwah sangat tenang and suka bergurau.
ape pun, cool aje.
terlalu banyak kebaikkan arwah dah buat.
beliau juga paling bersungguh-sungguh nak datang my wedding the other day.
saya masih ingat lagi, the girl that he admire during the uni time, telah mereject arwah because she thought that i'm iszam gf sebab asyik berkepit dgn arwah.
azu kata, arwah tu umpama handbag saya. mesti nak bawak ke mana2.
ya azu, handbag saya yang paling mahal.
lagi mahal dari mana2 handbag dalam dunia ni.
now dah takde handbag tu. dah hilang..
kat mana lagi nak carik handbag tu? tak nak handbag baru, tapi nak handbag exactly yg itu.
same design, same pattern.same colour and same function.
when i asked him on our last pertemuan which is the day after my wedding (~3 weeks back),

saya : ijam, aku dah kahwin. ko ni bila nak kahwin? girlfren pun tak carik lagi
arwah : entahla mie, aku takkan kahwin seumur hidup aku kot

and i thought beliau hanya melawak macam selalu di buat. tapi itulah hakikatnya.
beliau tidak sempat berkahwin.

and before balik dari the meet up, arwah sempat melawak dengan saya

arwah : nanti kau bagitau aku, best tak kahwin.

ijam, kahwin sangat seronok. tapi saya tahu kamu akan mengahwini bidadari kat syurga nanti.
far more seronok barangkali.

as of now, saya masih sukar menerima hakikat beliau dah takde.
part of me still merasakan beliau masih hidup and wandering around melaka with his baby Canon EOS.

Menemui sahabat sampai mati saya,
i really thanked god that he creates some one like you to be my friend.
someone yg saya kenali dalam masa 5 tahun but telah banyak mengajar erti persahabatan yg sebenar.
Memang benar, bila orang kata, orang baik, selalu dijemput allah terlebih dahulu, same goes to you,iszam.
allah amat menyayangi kamu dan telah menjemput kamu lebih awal dari kami.
and even my mama yang hanya bertemu kamu beberapa kali, mama juga boleh menangis teresak-esak ketika saya telefon mengkhabarkan kematian kamu.
mama masih ingat tentang lawak kamu megusik mama saya ketika majlis perkahwinan saya tempoh hari.
semoga kamu ditempatkan dikalangan orang-orang beriman.
semoga rohmu dicucuri rahmat.
al fatihah.

p/s: Arwah telah meninggal dunia di usia 23 tahun, 3 bulan. Laporan post mortem mengesahkan beliau telah mengalami kepecahan pada bahagian appendice.


sedih tak terkata. but i have to be strong. i have to hold my tears, walaupun saya tahu, sang suami amat memahami condition saya sekarang, but still,saya perlu menjaga perasaan sang suami juga. its our honeymoon.
while writing this, sang suami sudang tidur kepenatan sbb tu berani curik2 memblog tgh malam.